365 Days of Gratitude

365 Days of Gratitude

The trip around our sun has been draining. Regrets often rear their gloomy heads at first when the topic of earth's revolution around our life-giving star.

An unfortunately large part of my 16th year had yielded to melancholic moods, mostly inevitable, but nonetheless an utter waste of life-enriched time.Their origins are, like the regrets themselves, plentiful and near innumerable. Sometimes I wonder to myself how an extra push or jolt at given moment could have produced said result in such situations. For a depressingly large number of times, the counsel of my mind concluded: "Yeah, idiot."

I gave up on contemplating the possibilities of time travel after a (very long) while, and my sufferings happened to be next in line. Sufferings, being experiences that are differentiated from regrets not by process but by result. Sufferings, being toiling away my joy and rest, but to have it paid back tenfold and more to myself or others. Sufferings, being the prerequisite of happier outcomes. These, too, have been abundant. More on both the process and reward that in coming days.

My life had become somewhat of a horrible joke as well. The dark and heavy grays of my life served as a stark, almost humorous juxtaposition against the carefree pinks and yellows that seemed to be the common shades enriching the life of people around me. There was no refuge to expel my sorrows, and my only thought was to mask over and blend myself. All this time I waited for a breakthrough, some form of encouragement, some provision of comfort. It was like being in a pool, where you fight to break a tantalisingly thin glass barrier that denies a gasp of fresh air, air that would doubtlessly generate a stronger desire and potential to improve once inspired. I struggled. I drowned.

My period of depression was akin to a coma. I felt dead to the joy around me, less sensitive to the impact I wasn't making, and unaware of others that should have been made of me. My blindness to the most important of emotions were only matched by my indifference to significance, friendships, and, quite scarily, my own slump. Yet like any comatose, despite being cut off from external influences, my mind continued to ponder. Life churned into a routinely pace, one which I took no enjoyment in but had to search deep for motivation and energy to keep up with. There was only one source - friends. Once again, more on that in coming days.

Through all the bleak periods, my life soon brightened up. I was freed of responsibilities, and it gave me time to be myself again. I recovered, albeit at my own slow pace, and soon started to feel more like myself. The year soon showed its kinder side as well, bringing me together with the most amazing of friends that I've been missing. And the rest, although not the least bit boring, is history.

2010 approaches, and my mind stares at my resolution for next year in a tense deadlock as gazes remain adamant. Coming up with an annual goal has been a surprisingly easy task this year. Yet easy would be the complete opposite of my personal challenge. I remain sure of my stand as a guitarist, as an ISAC member, and a Dunmanian in want of a greater position to serve from. My mind is ringing loudly to stop me from setting my life up for disaster next year. My heart continues to tell a different, more positive tale, full of colours in a happier and more exciting shade. My consciousness is torn.

Yet no matter where I am headed, the weatherman has already confirmed the presence of looming storm clouds. And I am looking forward to finding my balance, a greater proficiency appreciation of everything and everyone, and the reveling in energy in every form. I look forward to 365 days of gratitude.

It's amazing how one video both captures my life in 2009 in the former half, and hopefully foretells the accurate path laid out before me in its latter.

What do you look forward to in 2010?

Christmas Presents

Christmas Presents

The winter solstice came silently two days ago. It was the reversal of the shortening of days and the lengthening of nights, and marked the apex of cold winter's reign. On the same day two days ago, I was having too much fun with peers to notice.

Recent days gave me some time to reminisce of my days of distinct immaturity and a passion for simple fun. December was my favourite among the twelve months (come to think of it, it still is!). The other eleven were normally spent in wanting for the the last, where promises of gifts, food, relaxation and more gifts awaited my 135cm frame.

In often times, my imagination collided with my hopes and wishes, and I'd dream of getting toys costing at least 3 figures, taking overseas trips to places whose names I couldn't pronounce, and having something to contribute to conversations revolving around the most lavish of gifts, the most mindblowing of vacations.

In often times, I was disappointed. Santa never really received any of the letters I'd crafted. None of my wishes seemed up to making the journey to the frosty north, leaving my Christmases cold with the chill of heartbreak. Cold that couldn't be chased away regardless of the endless packs socks and underwear that had become my yuletide staple year after year.

Now that I've had the time to think about my Christmas wish this year, it's hard not to remember my trip to Chiang Mai. Mushroom hunting, trekking and interacting with some of the most adorable humans that the world has never known made its mark on my perceptions. Their appreciation of the plentiful beauty they lived in had caught my wonder. The "Villagey guy", as we came to know him, pulled toys from the otherwise boring greenery that we blindly ignored - Stalks turned into bubble sticks that oozed with the soapy liquids waiting to be fulfilled and take flight as translucent, spherical rainbows; Leaves that nature intended to be the only kind of party poppers that wouldn't cause a mess after release.

Equally impossible to leave my consciousness is the Hong Kong trip. My journey at Hong Kong had encouraged my timid bravery in reaching out to new friends, and opening up my plans to find a whole new love and freedom for the first time was a breath of much-needed fresh air. The warmth I'd received in reciprocation of my own is a constant reminder that my mind has only fathomed so little of the reality built around me. Till now I continue to miss the presence of friends who have touched me deeply despite the brevity of contact.

The topic of newfound friendships had brought me back to my PEA committee as well. Our mad late nights that were spent in preparation had did their job not only logistically but spiritually as well. Time granted us the opportunity to feed off each other's strengths and poke fun at each other's weaknesses - all in good humour of course. The colour we injected into each other's presence had cascaded towards our level as a whole, and gave our whole event the life we truly appreciated.

These thoughts that I was suddenly flooded with had then given me the epiphany I was hoping for. For this Christmas, the toys and gifts that I'd so desperately wanted before didn't possess the same luster or attraction it once had. My gifts had come so silently and beautifully in the most perfect of forms. I've been given all that I have needed, more than what I'd hoped, way beyond anything I have ever expected. For Christmas this year, I've been given friendships to last till many more Christmases.


Gifts are all around,
Love is all there is.


Merry Christmas to all. Hope you've already received your fair share of gifts too!

Falling for Hong Kong

Falling for Hong Kong

For six whole days, my ears had been given an unfamiliar but strangely enjoyable massage. Each Cantonese word carrying its own tone and passion sashayed through my mind. Although none of it had held any meaning, the tone and slur that always accompanied such a beautiful language had left me longing to hear more of it in spite of my inability. I can only smile when I listen to the conversations whirling around my consciousness, as I have no way of following it with any form of understanding. The best I can do is quietly appreciate the innate charm and sexiness that the language holds.

So many things had made me fall for Hong Kong in such a short period of time. The different buildings, old and new, all crowding in the same street can only be described as palette where the darker, mature browns, grays and muddy greens have already found their place alongside the brighter blues, reds and yellows. Hidden beneath homes are the infinite shops, cafes and local haunts that make up Hong Kong's famed streets. It was a wonder to behold, a concept that could barely fit within my narrow perception. Yet such a grand and awesome factor was the smallest of reasons why I forgot to pack my heart into my luggage to bring it with me back to Singapore.

I have my fellow dunmanians, both seniors and peers, to thank for this amazing trip as well. The Year 5s run on 100% enthusiasm, and are darn right proud of it. Their spontaneity, energy and constant excitement brought much needed freshness to the trip. My peers were there to keep it sane when needed as well, and they have my gratitude for that. Dunmanians were never meant to work alone, but in families - That much I have confirmed from this trip.

And then there's 3B. Schools, as most people say, are the second home of students. If so, then our classes would be our extended family in that home. I was blessed with a family of vibrance, epic fun, boundless joy, generous friendship and comforting warmth. Their smiles, jokes and attempts to make me talk more collectively made me feel a part of their class. Though my time during their lessons was short, no second lacked interest, and it is all thanks to the beautiful love that they surrounded me with. My only regret other than the lack of time spent together would be that I am sorely missing a group photo with them. Perhaps next time, we'd be more fortunate...

I cannot forget to mention the other students on this exchange program well. My new found friends hailing from faraway New Zealand and neighbouring Shanghai completed the magnificent week. The time spent with each other was often fleeting, but no less enjoyable than any other experience. Despite our differences on the surface, our cores were all one and the same in loving to enjoy life, eagerness in friendship and a united hate for homework. They are truly friends in every meaning of the word.

Of course, it'd be a sin to forget my buddy, Colin, and his family. Colin, Crystal, Aunty Corsina and Uncle Tom had been my gracious and generous hosts for the week, being my guardians, caretakers, providers and tour guides. My trip would never have been such a powerful memory if not for their unsurpassed hospitality. The four of them have given so much to me that I felt guilty for not being able to repay them with something significant. Hopefully, my extended family would make a trip to Singapore in the near future, and I'd have the chance to provide the same treatment.

Adjusting to Hong Kong came naturally. Sleeping in the bed Colin sacrificed for me, the buzz of the street was well within earshot. However, the engines and alarms of passing vehicles soon harmonised into an ever-evolving lullaby that accompanied me to slumber every passing night. The food there made their own play on my other senses, allowing me to discover another magical aspect of Hong Kong. There's so much to thank for even after the trip, as memories fade in and out of my consciousness as I go about a lazier life back in Singapore.



I have fallen deeply, madly, passionately in love with Hong Kong. And there is no way to forget it.