Drive

Drive

I couldn't take it for awhile. The last few weeks of school in term 3 have been harrowing at best. For the past few days, I nursed the wounds on my confidence for awhile, patiently taking in all its whinings and recounting the stories of each scratch and bruise that has made its unfortunate mark only recently. For the week, there was no escaping the obligatory mulling over my missing the mark on a disappointing number of school-based tests. For the past week, I plowed through hour by pointless hour of self-indulgent nothing. For the past week, I just... collapsed.

It is a heartbreak that I often try to hide when I don't keep to my own expectations. The collective hours that I've put into my subject combination find translating themselves into results a tall order. Questing and experimentation for the right writing conventions only leads me nowhere fast, and more often I find myself tracing annoyingly familiar circles. I have had no breakthrough, and have nary a clue to guide me along. Misery invited yet more horrifying guests to the glum party, each test result a mocking reminder that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

So for the past week, I just collapsed. Never staying asleep across midnights, I wake up to lunch - which comprises of a questionably fresh leftover breakfast - and sleep way past what the internet preaches to be my liver's most productive hours. The hours in between produce nothing that I'd boast of, and my BMI vehemently protests at an evil diet and lifestyle. To no avail. It's hard to get out of a self-pitying cycle.

School's return strangely acted as the perfect panacea for the misery and negativity. I woke up fresher this morning than on any afternoon the week before, and felt oddly energised with each tutorial throughout the day. The sorry plight of United Nations' Security Council never sounded more confoundingly exciting, the endless troubles it runs into gaining my total interest for an hour. Economics arrived as the usual engaging self that I'd been missing for so long. But the magic ingredient I missed most in this refreshing shot in the arm? Friends.

Friends are my fuel for motivation when it comes to schoolwork - no daunting question is made easier through picking the brains of friends regardless of whether they gave a grasp of the elusive answer or not. The latter almost always results in massive brainstorming that though leads to nowhere academically, lightens my burdens and reminds me that I am not alone in my struggles. The waves and smiles picked up along the way when I commute between classrooms do their part in lifting my moods, as wrinkles of frowns realign themselves into more productive smiles.

So if you are a friend that is reading this, then I thank you for being a friend. Thank you for being my 垃圾车. Thank you for being a ray of sunshine. Thank you for lending me stand under your umbrella. Thank you for being the best definition of good intention. Thank you for being my drive.

Who do you have to thank for being your drive?