Somebody to Lean On

Somebody to Lean On

Lately, I've found a constant need to remind myself to pick my shoulders up. I can't shrug off the feel of an invisible, yet very real weight that's gradually growing on them, and have been having no luck in lightening the load. The mirror never fails to show me the slightly dejected, outward angle they are now prone to slope at these days. After days of careful thought and inspection, I gathered that the cause was not physical.

Weight has been piling on. I've been presented with a mentally, spiritually and physically draining task. I did my best in covering more ground at the start, knowing all to well that the mental stamina of my peers and myself could unlikely summon up enough momentum a late sprint. I was right about both, but unfortunately so - my feared last-stretch dash is here, and I'm having trouble keeping up.

Turning back during this drawn-out marathon, I can already see the attrition I've been subject to for the past few weeks eagerly waiting to catch up on me. The extra load on my shoulders are no more merciful - still it builds, enlarges, and threatens to break my stride. Fall? I can't afford to.

Having that image play out in my mind night after night does not help either. Slumber has become a distant friend - uncontactable at best. Night after night is spent squirming around, in vain hope that I can finally rest my brain, and find that short escape from the pressures I feel. I even spent some of those lost hours wondering whether I'd already embraced insanity, but just haven't gotten round to realising it yet.

The questions that came after were what haunted me most - Why I was doing what I was doing. For whom. Most importantly - what was I doing in the first place?

The weight on my shoulder's driving me crazy.

Yet my closest friend high up there has been the one to reassure and redirect me to the right path for this undoubtedly fated trial. Having presented me with a Macbook that was kindly lent to me by my sister, He somehow led me (through a certain sister-in-Christ) to the antidote I desperately craved.

I spent some time listening to this a few more times at home, loving the vibe of every tune and the strength of backup vocals I am often partial to. But after reading through the lyrics, I saw the message that had been waiting for me to open up to it.

All of a sudden, the endless race that I'd been going through seemed to just be forgotten. There was no competition, only other brothers and sisters on the same scenic but albeit rough strolling path I was on. The weight that had been causing me so much worry? They were nothing more than others who needed my shoulder as a resting place for awhile, before carrying on refreshed and stronger.

My struggle so far was for them. And if I needed somebody to lean on, all I had to do was to ask the friends around me, and they'd show no hestitation in offering the courtesy.

And all of a sudden, all the questions disappeared.