What's my problem?

What's my problem?

I've gone through 14 years of life already. I went through a smooth 3 years of lower primary at Kong Hwa, a nightmarish-yet-kind-of-great-memories-and-somewhat-fun 3 years of upper primary at Tao Nan's GEP classes, and another 2 truly fun and rather crazy years at Dunman High.

That's actually quite a long paragraph for 14 years.

Through them, I've been put through tormenting methods of education such as Projects, and boring / time consuming CCA sessions along with other extra activities like being a prefect who did almost absolutely nothing in primary school. I've been able to handle them somewhat, but I noticed a nagging problem that I always knew, but could never overcome.

It wasn't easy for me to say no.

Teachers ask me to give them a hand, friends ask me to watch their stuff, strangers ask I could show them where the nearest toilet was... the list goes on. It never crossed my mind to reject a single one of these requests, seeing as they couldn't really require more then five minutes of my time.

Which was why I said yes.

Then these little things grew somewhat over time. The first significant one was probably around primary 4. I was asked by my teacher to apply for a prefectorial position. "Oh ok," was my nonchalant reply. So after a 5-10 minute interview with a teacher who's name I can't recall, and another two weeks of waiting (or not), I was in.

I really didn't care much, it just meant that I had to wear a tie everyday unlike every other normal primary school student. Then I started to get a peek at the tip of the iceberg. I remember the amount of time I spent just waiting at the staircases during recesses listening to shouts of my friends playing a floor below, while I just stood there making sure no one passed.

There was even a time when I stood along with 6 other poooor prefects in a row under the hot sun for five whole hours. Why was that? We were told that we only needed to wait for two (which was kind of a stretch already actually). Oh. Oh I see. So the VIP was caught in a traffic jam and called to say it was late. It's just too bad. And what did he do when he passed by? Oh dear. I think he didn't see us. At least the teachers did. I know. They looked at us and laughed.

One day, I'll buy myself a gun and hunt him down. Now back to the post. Alright. That's fine, since it's all over now. Why not move on to something more recent? Let's say... Last year.

During the end of year CCA trainings, I was suddenly pulled aside by Zhi Kai and swept towards the committee, asking me whether I could be the so-called "Level Head" for my year. Sounded kind of ominous, looking back on it now. It sounded different then - like something that I should not reject, seeing as that they had confidence in me.

Which was why I said yes.

It wasn't a big mistake, if any of you remember my post about my CCA a few months ago, but there were also sacrifices made, mostly of time. I often needed to stay back after PTs for meetings that seemed to drag for decades, and felt more pressure to attend my trainings and help out in any way possible.

Another case was Student Council. Every one of us was sitting happily (not really) in class when she suddenly dropped the bombshell. The Student Council was looking for interested people. She asked a few of those "duh" choices, then suddenly my name was called. Noooo way. You're not gonna convince me for that. Takes way too much time.

"Ok lor."

And once again came the interview. Hey, it was kind of obligatory, since I'd already filled in the form stating that I was willing to help my school etcetera. And yet again after months of waiting, I got in. Surprisingly, the only one in my class. I learnt the meaning of regret anew once again, but I guess I'm a sucker for punishment.

One more: Orientation. I put my name under the sub-committee list, because although I thought it would be fun to take part in the preparation, I didn't have enough confidence in doing the "big" stuff that went on behind the scenes. I was approached and asked why I didn't place my name in main comm, and whether I could handle it if I was slotted there.

Oh, I did a little compromise this time. Rather then a straight-out "Sure I'll do it!", I just said that I might be a little short on time from CCA and did not have enough confidence, but will try my best if I happened to end up in the main comm. Which I did.

There have been many more times when my self-induced pressure caused me to agree to doing things I normally wouldn't have or want to, but the night isn't long enough. Some of you may notice this trend, but I'm guessing most of you don't see it at all really. Some people mis-intrepret this as kindness.

But thinking about all this, this problem of mine has given me so many more chances that other's have given up. Being an SC, for one, definitely gives me a much stronger sense of fulfillment after every activity. And for my CCA, I've a whole post dedicated to it (dig through my archives, you'll see it).

So really, as far as I'm concerned, this may be one problem that doesn't need overcoming.

Reason 11.

11. Hold on. Where'd everybody go?
And why the hell is there no OHP to hide bottles in?

Damn. How could I have forgotten. Am I stupid or what (don't answer). Top ten reasons, and I've left out what should've come first in front of all the work and stress. The only reasons why I still go to school to get my brain stuffed with knowledge that helps me only when I'm forced to sit in class and write on a thick stack of paper saying "Examination".

Kiska.

I know, I've gone through this before. You've read the post a few weeks ago (You'd better). But that was just a half-hearted post. More of the class league than the class. Which is what it should've been all along.



First of all, I'm satisfied with the class league. We lost fair and square. Heck, we weren't even supposed to be in 2nd place. We were meant to rely on 2L (no offence. Well maybe a little) to cover for us for last place for last year.



Remember last year, when we couldn't care less about whether we were getting last for class painting or whatever weird competitions that were happening? We wouldn't cheer at all in any event that was organised in Dunman High. But then again, that's what makes us all special isn't it?



Kiska.



After all, who else could be the strongest but the cynics turned believers? We had to make our way from square -53 to 1, and then forwards. It was basically almost impossible to win. (勝の客率：０．０１パーセント。でも、あのデータは進化すれば。)


But did we give a heck? Noooo. Like the same way we ignored the SCs pleas for us to just give the slightest whimper when we were supposed to cheer, we, as usual, decided to ignore the circumstances and did whatever we wanted. We were a true terror.



Then here we are, two years passed in countless blinks of an antimage eye. A few bad hair choices, lower voices and shorter socks later, we're pretty much the same old quiet class. Maybe its the long periods of time that we spent together cooped up in the same room with the same *GASP* teachers (especially a certain form teacher =X).



I kept track of my memories and impressions of as many people as i could for a long time. No I'm not a pervert or psycho. But it paid off, when I truly marvelled how much we have all changed, some for the better, thankfully none for the worse.



But one thing that stayed the same was that we were a class that was AND is unique. We took pride in being the earliest to sit in assemblies. Walking in two lines (lolololololol). Keeping nonchalant when we were called to cheer.



By this time, you could see that my blogpost is, for once, in a complete mess. Jumping from topic to topic. Its really the first time where I don't know where to start, and which precious moment to touch on and reminisce.



After all, this is the only post I've had so far that took me almost three whole weeks to post. And still, its far from what I've got to say. But for the people in Kiska, just remember this one thing.


We did good.


And that's it.

Pissed.

A certain word removed from my introduction. Go figure.

A friend.

A friend.

I log on and load it

Scroll through the window

Looking for a nice server

Then another window pops up

A message

From a friend

He starts with two dots

I've known him for quite some time

And I know that's not normal

He's down

Very

I ask why

His grandmother

Is dying from liver cancer

She doesn't have much time

Her children are there

To see her

Talk to her

One last time

I've known him

For some time already

He's not one to be sad

Not this sad

Minutes pass

Without a message

I try to continue

He needs to talk

No

He needs someone to talk to

But it's not easy

People say I've got something

I think on the fly

Put ideas into words

Words into sentences

It fails me

I don't really know what to say

A few questions

To let him know I'm there

There and listening

He told me how he broke down

Talking to his grandmother

Who couldn't say a full sentence

And I feel sorry

Tell him to try to accept

What cannot be changed

But is just natural

Just a part of life

A pause

He suggests a game

To distract himself I figure

And oblige

I borrowed a friend's server

Kept it locked

We played 1 on 1

And I was winning

Not a by a little

I've known him for quite some time

And he's good

He was good

But not now

He's not concentrating

Not focussing

Just firing haphazardly

Hoping a few shots would hit me

My fps hits 100

Its one sided

As it should be

Except its towards my side of the river

I ask whether he's short on cash

Should I restart rounds

He declines

No need

So we continue

I suggest playing long range

His forte

My weak spot

Ask him to stay at Bombsite A

He asks in reply

Do you think I'm stupid?

A simple reply meets him

No

Nothing else

He starts to catch up

Bit by bit

I've known him for quite some time

The drive

The skill

The determination

I can see it returning

But not fully

Suddenly

A message

After long minutes

Sorry if I spoiled your mood

I smiled

Nope

Couldn't if you tried for years

But its not done

He's sticking to a carbine

I break the rules

I rush

Kill him easy

Next round

I stand at the corner

Hold my breath

I jump out

A loud bang

An awp bullet greets me

Straight in the head

I've known him for quite some time

And he's back.