Surviving Chinese New Year.

Surviving Chinese New Year.

Thanks for all the concern that you guys have shown through the simple tags made =D. Yes, my mother is fine and has returned this morning, and I'm finally able to breathe without half-choking myself to death. Life is good.

I am aware that it's Chinese New Year Eve, and I'm supposed to be preparing the dinner for tonight or visiting relatives (ZOMGWHYAREYOUBLOGGINGAHANO00OOB), but it doesn't feel right leaving the post on top of my blog as something that's was posted when I was feeling down. I'm thoughtful that way.

Thus, a new post is needed to usher in the New Year cheer, and what better to do that than yet another stupid, useless list that people read but don't follow?

In less than 10 hours, most of us are going to be having a reunion dinner, talking with our Here's stopping2think presenting to you the official Tips to Survive Chinese New Year! This time with elaborations and explanations. Results are neither guaranteed nor likely to show.


Problem 1:
Irritating visitors.

Tomorrow will be the first day of Chinese New Year, meaning that there'll be many visitors coming into your house for a "short visit". Most of them you haven't seen in, my goodness, exactly one year. Wonder what brought them here the last time?

There're bound to be some who will stay for hours on end uninvited, and you'll have to plaster on the most convincing smile you can possibly fake, listening for the fifth year in a row how he had almost struck Toto 3 decades ago, when "Fit-ty cent was alot o' money." There's bound to be a way to get them to leave so you can play with your baby cousin who just came, right?

Solution:
Purchase a bag of the cheapest snack you can possibly afford. When you greet the relative, offer him the bag of snack and start making conversation. Pretend that you're shocked at how "dirty" you have gotten your hands when your smile is starting to cramp your face. Immediately apologise, and quickly drag your nearby sibling to listen to him continue on how he got a Persian monk to pick his 3rd number, and make sure "He tells you the whole thing afterwards". Walk away, smug that its your siblings turn to suffer now.

Problem 2:
Missing the mood

There are times when you just feel like staying at home without having to go to see people you don't know and wish them a Happy Chinese New Year. What's so happy about this occasion? The only good thing that you get out of it is a school holiday. There's nothing so special about Chinese New Year after all.

It's hard to get into the CNY mood sometimes, but there are ways to make sure you feel the happiness of wearing red and singing those songs you knew from young.

Solution(s):
There are a multitude of ways to solve this. It ranges from replacing your playlist on your iPods to a neverending repeat of "恭喜恭喜", to dreaming about what to do with your Ang Pao money to get yourself some motivation to go greet relatives. But there's one surefire favourite that I reccomend. It may seem a scary thought, and I don't fancy trying it myself - Visit Chinatown this CNY Eve. If squeezing through throngs of people trying to get that 50% off Hae Bee Hiam doesn't hammer it into your head that Chinese New Year is here, nothing will.

Problem 3:
Ang Pao losses

Every Chinese New Year, you count the amount of money recieved and ask your parents how much they gave this year through red packets. Usually, you find that the amount of money that goes out of your pockets are significantly more than the amount you have collected. Not very profitable is it?

Is there a surefire way that you could still be giving out red packets generously like Santa Claus without a beard but still decked in red? Or are we doomed to forever counting losses and having more red numbers in our personal accounts?

Solution:
This solution is only for those that run family businesses. Print yourself a stack of $5 vouchers and put them in your red packets instead of money. There will be only 2 outcomes - 1. They are disgusted at your cheapskate methods (Don't tell them who taught you this) and never want to see you again 2. They actually decide to come spend the money, and probably will end up paying more than $5. For those that are especially thick skinned, feel free to make sure there's an expiry date.

Problem 4:
Sore throats

Possibly the worst thing that anyone can have during Chinese New Year would be the (dare I say it?) sore throat. After a waiting a long year to finally taste that pineapple tart again, God seems to have a sudden urge for humour, and guess who's on the other end of the joke?

It's almost like taking the presents away from Christmas, or Mr Ken away from LA lessons. But yet there should be a way to be able to feast on these sinful CNY goodies (or baddies, since they do more harm than poison can, being so addictive). Is there...?

Solution:
Tupperwares are your friend. Bring one or two empty ones everywhere you go during visiting, and conveniently put your bag on your lap. Search around for a mirror in your bag, and act dismayed as you "left it at home". Politely ask your host for one, as as she panics to find something instead of the cracked one she always uses, take a few goodies from the table. Act natural and thank her nicely as she finally finds a presentable mirror. Rinse, repeat, and prepare to get an MC for 2 weeks after you feast on your stale collection.

No, there isn't a surefire way to solve this one =/


Don't ask why there're only 4 problems here. I'm kind of uninspired at the moment, but will update if I faced any problems that make it into this list. Till then, Happy Chinese New Year, and use at your own risk.